Michelle and I are doing better each day with the reality of it all, but one thing we can’t quite get past is the unlikeliness of this whole thing. One of the support books said that one way to tell people is to tell them your risk factor (i.e. 1 in 100) and say “we are that 1″. In our case, Chelle being just 30, certainly not in the risky area of gals in their later 30s, and us having no real family history or any of the few other potential links to Downs, our real risk number was something like 1 in 800. That makes you feel a little worse, honestly when you think that “we are that 1″.
Thinking about how likely it was, and how, based on that number, 799 other parents aren’t go through this, there’s definitely a “WTF?” quality to our “why me” thoughts that creep in. Ultimately, Downs is simply a genetic accident and nothing really causes it nor could it have been avoided so there isn’t really any value in thinking some of these thoughts or questioning anything. That being said, coping takes shape lots of ways and at times being cynical and resentful feels good…then you get over it and start focusing on the right emotions.
I’ve said to a number of people, and I really believe this is true in just about anything – your odds in life are 50/50 – things either are or they aren’t. We had exactly the chance of having another Lydia as we did having baby boy with Downs. It is as simple as that.
Grand scheme of things, our chances of this happening may have been 1 in 800, but our chances of being up for the challenge, being amazing parents and having a great attitude are 1 in 2 – we either will or we won’t. Thankfully, it’s 100% in our control which “1″ we are!